It didn’t really hit me until an old acquaintance texted me out of the blue and asked me what I’ve been up to. Since it was a text, I had time to actually think about what exactly I have been up to. So, I texted him back, “just waiting to die.” It was a shocking realization, but it was the truth. I have absolutely nothing to look forward to.
Can’t make any decent money, most won’t even consider hiring a felon, especially the dreaded ‘sex offender’. Those that will hire you pay next to nothing, so you make just enough to cover your living expenses and nothing more. I may be feeding the economy, but I’m not living. No family or old friends to speak of because nobody can afford to be associated with a sex offender. Even those that advocate my innocence tell me they can’t afford to be seen socially with me.
Good luck finding a girlfriend. They leave the minute they find out. I’m too paranoid most of the time anyway. Just a single accusation from any female would mean more prison time, so it’s safer to simply nod and move away. I’m not sure how I would react to being intimate with a woman anyway, at this point they’re pretty much alien to me.
I’m sort of like a drone; I exist, eat, work, shower, sleep, pay bills. That’s about it. Most people cannot even fathom how much isolation a person can endure. What’s the longest you’ve gone without human touch? Or a hug? It’s been so long for me you wouldn’t believe it if I did disclose it.
I recently read an article from the New York Times about Representative Dan Johnson, a first-time Republican from Kentucky that committed suicide after being accused of fondling a 17-year-old girl. And I thought, perhaps he had the right idea; why deal with at least a decade behind bars, and broke and alone for the remainder of life. Why bother?
Now I’m not suicidal. I believe that is up to God. But I have become an organ donor. I’m if perfect physical health, so it just seems such a waste. I have no more desire for life. Why can’t I give my heart, lungs, liver, kidneys, or whatever is needed, to some guy who has a wife, kids and family that love him and simply can’t live without him. That is what I desire.
I am sorry you feel this way. I too have a difficult time with the registry and the punishment it imposes on those required to comply with it. It is indeed punishment and does no good as currently designed. Its effects are debilitating and I have felt as you describe many times.
I notice that you speak of God in your post so I hope I will not offend you.
I have organized a group of people I know to unite in prayer every month to say the Novena to St. Jude. Some of us are Catholics, some follow other faiths, some none at all, but feel there is power in united requests(prayer) to a higher power(God). Some are incarcerated, some the families of those. Some are not yet on the registry but await that fate. We live in different cities and states but say the prayer the 1st through the 9th of every month at 9:00pm. You are welcome to join us and if you know of anyone else that would join in as well, please ask them. We believe Matthew 18:19 - "Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven."
Our request is the abolishment of the registry.
Novena To
St. Jude
Most holy Apostle, St. Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the Church honors and invokes you universally, as the patron of difficult cases, of things almost despaired of, Pray for me, I am so helpless and alone.
Intercede with God for me that He bring visible and speedy help where help is almost despaired of. Come to my assistance in this great need that I may receive the consolation and help of heaven in all my necessities, tribulations, and sufferings, particularly -
(make your request here)
- and that I may praise God with you and all the saints forever. I promise, O Blessed St. Jude, to be ever mindful of this great favor granted me by God and to always honor you as my special and powerful patron, and to gratefully encourage devotion to you.
Amen
PRAYER
May the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus be adored, and loved in all the tabernacles until the end of time. Amen.
May the most Sacred Heart of Jesus be praised and glorified now and forever. Amen
St. Jude pray for us and hear our prayers. Amen.
Blessed be the Sacred Heart of Jesus
Blessed be the Immaculate Heart of Mary
Blessed be St. Jude Thaddeus, in all the world and for all Eternity.
(say this prayer, followed by the Our Father and the Hail Mary.)
Be well.
I read your post and thought you had somehow looked into my mind. I've actually spent the last hour or more, typing a long and rambling account of my own personal experiences, but I realized that there's no point in it, so I deleted them. I'm preaching to the choir. I have 6 months left before I pull the plug. I'm tired of just existing but decided that I'll give it to the end of this year and if something doesn't give, I will. Good luck.
If anyone has the ability to track me, please don't. You'll only make me suffer more. Please understand.
I am a person required to register and have found a way out of the mire. I started my own business and no one cares about my record. You can do this too! First find a problem, second, figure out a way that you can solve that problem. Third figure out how much you will charge to solve the problem. No, it’s not easy. But definitely doable. I know one guy who started cleaning windows years ago. Now, he’s a millionaire! Good luck my friend!
It didn’t really hit me until an old acquaintance texted me out of the blue and asked me what I’ve been up to. Since it was a text, I had time to actually think about what exactly I have been up to. So, I texted him back, “just waiting to die.” It was a shocking realization, but it was the truth. I have absolutely nothing to look forward to.
Can’t make any decent money, most won’t even consider hiring a felon, especially the dreaded ‘sex offender’. Those that will hire you pay next to nothing, so you make just enough to cover your living expenses and nothing more. I may be feeding the economy, but I’m not living. No family or old friends to speak of because nobody can afford to be associated with a sex offender. Even those that advocate my innocence tell me they can’t afford to be seen socially with me.
Good luck finding a girlfriend. They leave the minute they find out. I’m too paranoid most of the time anyway. Just a single accusation from any female would mean more prison time, so it’s safer to simply nod and move away. I’m not sure how I would react to being intimate with a woman anyway, at this point they’re pretty much alien to me.
I’m sort of like a drone; I exist, eat, work, shower, sleep, pay bills. That’s about it. Most people cannot even fathom how much isolation a person can endure. What’s the longest you’ve gone without human touch? Or a hug? It’s been so long for me you wouldn’t believe it if I did disclose it.
I recently read an article from the New York Times about Representative Dan Johnson, a first-time Republican from Kentucky that committed suicide after being accused of fondling a 17-year-old girl. And I thought, perhaps he had the right idea; why deal with at least a decade behind bars, and broke and alone for the remainder of life. Why bother?
Now I’m not suicidal. I believe that is up to God. But I have become an organ donor. I’m if perfect physical health, so it just seems such a waste. I have no more desire for life. Why can’t I give my heart, lungs, liver, kidneys, or whatever is needed, to some guy who has a wife, kids and family that love him and simply can’t live without him. That is what I desire.
Hanging on in quiet desperation? Yes I know what that's like. I could have written what you just did myself. I know a way out if you are willing. Can you get up $5,000? Go to an ASA Sailing School for two weeks and get ASA certified. Then post an ad in findacrew.net and crew a sailboat somewhere you've always wanted to go but never expected you would. Don't worry about customs, there's only a handful of places (Canada, England, France, Ireland, BVI, Australia, Mexico and the Philippines) you won't be let in. Most countries don't care. Especially the smaller ones. Go hang out in the Carribean. Give the world the happy finger and tell it what to do with itself.
James Coghill, you are not alone. My son has to register and he expresses the same feelings. The hardest part is not having anyone to talk to. Every time he meets a girl, and they hear he is a sex offender, they never talk to him again. It is a miserable life. But you are not alone. One of the other worse parts is finding a place to live. He's in a moldy old apartment that is ready to fall apart and the landlord charges more than it's worth because he's a sex offender. The world has to change their views and give ya'll a chance.
There are others like us who attend Twelve Step Programs. There are options for meetings in-person and online. Everyone in those forums is invaluable to the others.
While correction is good there is no harm in a little paddling or rebuking to correct. Sure I'm dealing with this sex registry ordeal and yes I'm sure many wish they'd never gotten to the state of I'm Ready to Die. Actually do you know where that statement comes from or just ready to die. I'm sure it would suprise everyone involved.
Sure we can all take a look at the positive view's and the negative view's of the registry and understand that the negative view's outweigh the positive. Is all this a numbers game for justice systems to see who they can bag with this sexual enticement via the internet or actual sexual encounters in real time situations. One wonders who's playing the Hatfield and the McCoy's today in law enforcement.
Sure this ordeal is bad enough but killing or wishing to be dead is not the answer so we all need to press on for equal and true justice
I've been on the registry for the past 20 years. It has been a lonely road. Finding work at 54 years of age or a place to live is hard. I've been homeless for the past 2 years. I do have friends who care but they don't have answers. Like other classes of people who were persecuted, shunned, shamed in the past who fought for their rights.
We, as citizens required to register, will need to do the same. With a population of over 900,000 we do have a voice. For those of you who have struggled and made it your stories are encouraged. For landlords and employers who are registered citizens give someone a job or a place to live. We are human too. Do we not bleed?
@wanderiam. You gave me an idea. We could use many skills from the people on this site. I am a mom and a landlord, now that my son will be on the registry, I simply will starting leasing to people that are listed on the registry. So also, if there is a former attorney who could be of some assistance and so on. If we all pulled together, this could be great.
Understandably many people are "luckier" than others when re-entering society. Therein lies the problem. It shouldn't depend on luck. Our lawmakers always speak of successful reintegration into society. Yet they make it impossible to integrate. Humans are social "animals" but due to the promotion of wholesale lies and distortions, EX offenders are never given even the slightest chance to prove they are capable of normal human behavior. The public lives in a paranoid Law and Order SVU world, due to media hype and ratings. Our used-salesman lawyers and politicians care nothing for the truth as it wouldn't sell to the majority public. They don't want to offend or anger the voters. Due process and true justice is just seen as being pro sex-offender. Throw facts and accurate statistics out the door and lets have a trial by popularity contest. Even companies such as Experian (your credit score) will post the names of registered sex offenders if you have monitoring. If you operated a meth lab you won't be on any list though. And there is no restriction on housing locations. And they have the guts to say registration is not punitive...Does anyone ever get tired of being lied to?
It didn’t really hit me until an old acquaintance texted me out of the blue and asked me what I’ve been up to. Since it was a text, I had time to actually think about what exactly I have been up to. So, I texted him back, “just waiting to die.” It was a shocking realization, but it was the truth. I have absolutely nothing to look forward to.
Can’t make any decent money, most won’t even consider hiring a felon, especially the dreaded citizen required to register. Those that will hire you pay next to nothing, so you make just enough to cover your living expenses and nothing more. I may be feeding the economy, but I’m not living. No family or old friends to speak of because nobody can afford to be associated with a registrant. Even those that advocate my innocence tell me they can’t afford to be seen socially with me.
Good luck finding a girlfriend. They leave the minute they find out. I’m too paranoid most of the time anyway. Just a single accusation from any female would mean more prison time, so it’s safer to simply nod and move away. I’m not sure how I would react to being intimate with a woman anyway, at this point they’re pretty much alien to me.
I’m sort of like a drone; I exist, eat, work, shower, sleep, pay bills. That’s about it. Most people cannot even fathom how much isolation a person can endure. What’s the longest you’ve gone without human touch? Or a hug? It’s been so long for me you wouldn’t believe it if I did disclose it.
I recently read an article from the New York Times about Representative Dan Johnson, a first-time Republican from Kentucky that committed suicide after being accused of fondling a 17-year-old girl. And I thought, perhaps he had the right idea; why deal with at least a decade behind bars, and broke and alone for the remainder of life. Why bother?
Now I’m not suicidal. I believe that is up to God. But I have become an organ donor. I’m in perfect physical health, so it just seems such a waste. I have no more desire for life. Why can’t I give my heart, lungs, liver, kidneys, or whatever is needed, to some guy who has a wife, kids and family that love him and simply can’t live without him. That is what I desire.
I'm sorry you're living like that. When my guy told me about it that was the point I wanted to marry him! LOL Unfortunately my situation is different because men do not date fat girls. So I got to lose the weight to see if I can get a chance. And yes I've had to hear his "women never like me" complaining too. No, just men only want supermodels. Give us fat girls a chance. But anyway I'm just saying there are those of us out there who don't judge. I hope something works out for you.
Hello
I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. I know that you don't feel like it and that doesn't make the situation you are going through any easier. I had to register 2 years ago. so all this is still new. Luckily my family is with me and so are my friends. They all know this isn't true nor is it fair. I have 3 kids all boys, my son is graduating and I was almost not allowed to go. I have a lawyer so I'm also lucky in that way. I don't feel lucky though. How am I supposed to be a mother? I feel all alone. I cry almost every day and the depression that has come from this is almost too much to bear. I know how you feel. I don't know what else to say. I'm sorry.
I ran across your post looking for information about experiences women have had dating or marrying a RSO. This thread and your post break my heart.
First, I want to say that there are women, people in this world who can look past this status. Who respectfully ask questions to understand what brought you to this place in life.
Second, being transparent about your status is brave in my opinion. Vulnerability is difficult for us all. But this unjust system blankets all offenders blindly and promotes malice. It takes away your right to feel/be human. I cannot imagine the toll this takes in you day to day, but I can empathize deeply.
Third. I met a gentleman who has swept me off of my feet. I had left a 3 year relationship wrought with mental/emotional abuse from a text book narcissist. I can say confidently that this man in my life now, is 100x over more caring, generous, kind, and overall good then the man I left. This man was vulnerable and told me he is a RSO. He is transparent about his case. He cried in my arms as he told me and I cried with him/for him.
We are imperfect and flawed. I know I am. But this man sees me and I see him. Not for his status but for who he is everyday. There is light in my life and heart after so much darkness. There is a person out there looking/waiting for you. Someone who like me, will see you for your essence. Who will read, research and work with the challenges because you are worth it. Don't give up.
Please, seek counseling and medicinal assistance. You can have a brighter quality of life, just reach out for it.
I'll keep you all in my thoughts. I'll hold that space for you.
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