Greetings!
My name is Ray, I was convicted in 2012 of Receipt and Possession of Pornography and though it is probably just my personal opinion, I was misled and lied to from the jump. I was Charged initially in mid 2011 and went to St Clair County Jail in November of 11. When I was first charged and assigned a public defender, since I was cooperating completely from the start I was told that being my first offense and being considered a Non-Violent crime that I would most likely be looking at a MAX of 5 years and Max 5 years supervised release. I gave a stand-up Plea (which allowed me to appeal if I decided to try). Well as time went on and I went to county, (A week before Thanksgiving) and bided my time to my court date I tried to keep my head up, believing that things would work out, because my Public defender kept assuring me I had nothing to worry about.
Well, come the day of my court hearing, just before I went before the judge, I went to talk to my lawyer, who proceeded to tell me that she was going to try for 9 years (not the 5 she was assuring me of this whole time). When I asked about the 5, she told me that was most likely not going to happen. She was right, though she didn’t seem to put up much of a fight for me. In the end I was sent to federal prison for 10 years with Lifetime supervision. When I got back to St Clair I got a hold of my lawyer to Inform her that I was wanting to appeal the decision. She refused In the opinion that it wouldn’t make a difference. (wasn’t aware she could do that, I thought if I wanted to file an appeal she would have to On my behalf, apparently not)
On top of that shock, I was eventually sent to Texas rather than Fed Med in Springfield, which would have been the closest and easiest one for my family to visit. Nope…. I was sent first to Texarkana, then Seagoville for the duration of what ended up being 8 1/2 years away from my family. Released in early December of 2019.
For the past almost 6 years, I have been on Supervised release and the TOP tier of the state registry. A Tier that in most states is supposed to be for severe and violent predators. but apparently in Missouri they can put anyone they choose on the top Tier. Their reasoning for putting me on the Top (permanent tier) is because though this is my first felony offense, I had 2 charges, One was considered a lvl 1 and the other a lvl 2. So they combined those numbers and put me on lvl 3. So I’m on Lifetime supervision and Lifetime registry.
For these past several years I’ve been struggling to get some semblance of a normal life while dealing with that stima that being on the registry puts on people. I”ve had to live in a Weekly rent hotel because most apartments are ran by management companies and those companies don’t permit people on the registry (it may look bad on them to be connected to someone on the “List”) I haven’t been able to be around most of my friends and family (because most of them have children under 18 and while on probation I’m a danger, and need to be monitored.
Because I’m on the registry I am not allowed to go to places I once enjoyed (the Zoo, the Fair, Amusement parks. campgrounds or the lake; all because I am on the registry, I was unable to stay the night at my moms because she was within range of a church that had a daycare (the church itself was outside the residence radius but it’s property line was just inside). So when she was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer and went on Hospice, I was unable to stay at her place to help take care of her. she had to be alone unless my aunt or uncle (who lived up north) could come down to stay with her. Luckily I was able to be there when she passed so at least there is that.
As far as my family, I am unable to go and visit them because, as before they have children/grandchildren that are under 18 (which is mainly a probation hindrance and not registry) but since most of my family live w/in close proximity to a park or school, then visiting or staying with them would still be problematic once I am off probation. In the long run the main issue that i’ve faced and will continue to face as far as the registry is its residency limitations and public access restrictions (parks and the like)
These past few years, one of my main struggles I’ve had to deal with though isn’t completely on the registry. but the whole cat-and-mouse game that is Supervised release. My offense is purely hands off, Online image/video download. I never sought out any “Victims” or tried to “Groom”, or “Entice” anyone. I accessed Limewire file sharing and downloaded material. Yet going by my conditions I am not allowed around anyone under 18, or around anyone with children under 18, Unless approved by probation. One of the main things I was looking forward to was getting back into Gaming (i’ve always enjoyed video games and online games). But when I got close to gaining permission for a Home computer, I was told that I am not permitted to play any game that is online, because I could use that to seek out and entice more Victims. (something I never did in the first place, but since others have I must want to do that too).
While on Probation, I am not allowed to have anything that is tied to social media or that has video-chat capabilities (because I could seek out more victims). I can’t even have YouTube or anything like that On a Roku or smart TV because YouTube is considered Social media, even though the TV app, doesn’t have access to the “social” part of the website, since there is no way (That I am aware of) to communicate with anyone on Youtube. I mean you can like videos and subscribe to channels but you can do that on pretty much any streaming service. But because I’m a Sex Offender on Probation I am not permitted anything that would connect me to another human being (in an increasing digital age). At least with probation it’s temporary, all though very one-sided when it comes to structuring the conditions and limitations to the person’s offense. They much rather loop us all together just like the registry. I mean those who have a non-violent offense have pretty much the same limitations to those with repeated, or hands-on offenses (because to those of authority we are all the same.)  Just like on the registry. a 1st time offender w/ no priors of any kind is so easily placed on the top tier with no chance of being reduced to a lower one, or a chance of ever getting off like on the lower tiers. When all one truly wants is to get back to a fully normal life and have a normal family.
But being on the registry life is never going to be Normal. On the registry I will never be permitted to take my future children to the park like a normal father, or to the zoo, I’ll never be allowed to attend recitals or games that my future children may or may not take part in. I will never be allowed to take my future children Trick-or-Treating or on vacation to most of the rest of the world (because most countries won’t let even the low-risk offenders into their country because being on the registry makes anyone a pariah and to be kept at bay.
I know this ended up sounding like a ranting session (which it kind of was even though it was a general account of what I’ve dealt with since I’ve been out).  I believe that things need to seriously change and I hope that Organizations like WAR, and NARSOL are able to get the support and assistance to make that change, so that others that are going through the loops like myself (some even worse loops than mine) are able to achieve what every person deserves, which is a decent chance to live a good life aka “the pursuit of happiness”). Thank you for your time