I feel like im the only one in the world
Up until now i have felt like i am the only one in this world going through what im going through. Last year i had to register as a sex offender. i am a 35yr mother of three and a wife of 18yrs. this has been the hardest thing for me to deal with my whole life. I never went to trial. i wish i would have fought. there was no evidence it was a "he said she said " issue. on the day i went to court for an extension on my case the state attorney said if i didnt take the plea deal that was it, she was coming after me and if i lost it would be 15yrs in prison and to register for life anyway. she bullied me. i have never been in trouble with the law ever! at all! so you could imagine my fright. i am still trying to figure out how to fight this now i have had to move out of my house with my family and go to my moms since my house is close to a school. im lost, scared confused and feel so helpless. im hoping this page can help.
I can definitely relate. I am a 33 year old single mother who has to register for life. My daughter will be 11 next month and her father passed away when she was younger. After her father passed away I went through a terrible depression, and I also suffer from PTSD. Never in my life have I been in trouble with the law, and unfortunately my poor judgement during a very traumatic, vulnerable, time in my life has drastically affected our lives. We had to leave the home my daughter grew up in because there was an in home childcare down the street, and she had to be without me for 9 months while I was in work release. She now suffers from horrible separation anxiety considering her and I have never been without each other since the day she was born. All I want is to be able to be there for my daughter and take her to the park, and to great america... all the things that she loves and I cannot take her. I am in sex offender treatment and have been for the past two years and I am about to graduate next month. I have made a lot of progress mentally, and physically, but this will still follow me and my family for the rest of my life. I'm trying to go back to school to get a job as a re entry specialist to help those who are released from jail/prison reintegrate into society by helping them find housing, jobs, and support. It is now going to be extremely difficult for me to get jobs in this field. I just want to help people. I truly am a good person, but this label makes it really difficult for people to see the real me. Hang in there. You are strong, you have made it this far, and you seem to have a great support system. Lean on them, keep your head up and know that you can do anything you put your mind to.
Sounds very familiar. I am familiar with the coercive tactics prosecutors use, esp. on low income, uneducated, mentally disabled or indigent people.
Legal entitlement for the rich or those that have access (see below) such as this is not new, but is worse now because the public has developed an appetite for harsh punishment, even if it means scapegoating. Prosecutors can violate ethics laws to appease judges using you as a bargaining chip. What is problematic is the intention. If a cop, for example is accused of a sex crime, his familiarity with tactics of cops and prosecutors gives him a HUGE edge in what not to do or say. He/she knows his or her rights verbatim. Prosecutors work with court appointed attorneys very hard to work a plea deal.
The #MeToo movement is extremely active and is already working on the incoming administration..."We congratulate President-elect Joe Biden and Vice President-elect Kamala Harris on their historic win. We look forward to working with them and their administration on moving the Survivors Agenda forward"
I am not saying victims don't exist. They do. However the fact that someone can be accused of a sex offense will most often get next to zero effort with his/her legal council, most often abt. 95% of the time will simply plead out his case, and spend the rest of his/her life on the lepers list.
Often times the lines are blurred between what might be a moral mistake and an actual legal violation. They don't teach this in high school as a required course but should probably do it. We are living in an increasingly SVU world. Strangely I never felt we lived in an exceptionally moral country.
I'm so sorry. You're not alone, though. If that helps. Surely this site can show you that.
You are not alone. Vicki Henry
You’re not alone. My son will be 27 years old in a month and has just been arrested for the same. His lawyer is trying to defend him. So far the case is still in the discovery stage. The lawyer says he’s probably looking at 19 years minimum. I can tell you that the fact you can live with your mom is a blessing. You don’t want to know how hard you’d have it without family support. I’m going to let you in on a secret. “What you think about, you bring about’ we have a cool magical power called prayer. It works. Whether you believe in God or not. You are quantum energy being in human flesh. The universe hears you. The more effort you put into something the faster it happens. Multiple people praying is even stronger. Your mind is digitally linked to the source of the universe through your pineal gland. The more you dwell in a state of fear the more the universe will give you more things to be afraid of because it thinks you like it based on how much you think about it. It’s true though. My son is going to go through all this too. I will keep you in my prayers.
@ dizzer You know it's not easy going thru all this. There are times I wish they would have sent me to jail or prison but was given probation. The detective knew I wanted to go to court to speak out about all this and to strive to help. I live in Virginia and I hear about bills being proposed which may work in many areas. I will be on probation for another year until 2022 and then my period of probation is up.
I'm just glad that some of the others that have gone thru some or much of this are in there to help in this not only for men but the sons or daughters too.
Yes I am glad Biden is there to lead the country and clean up the justice system and other areas of American Justice
@never_ending. I myself like your view and you are right as well as others on many aspects. Sure many can talk about women's movements, even this past riot that happened in D.C, but the bottom line is true Justice for All. Governmental justice is good if it follows the right premise or perimeter of justice in much of this registry riff. Many don't understand or use a Christian perspective in a court of law.
Balancing this type of injustice whether by an actual encounter or entrapment situations has moral damages. Yes, I'm afraid to say justice does go haywire but overbearing justice is like a king without a castle. I can't say anything good or bad about Trump..that's history. We all press on and yes many of these boys shouldn't be in these situations.
Biden is for truth and yes truth is very good in any court of law. I don't care if one is like Paul and caused others to blaspheme. These porn images they ask one to send when entrapping a person is wrong. So who is leading one down in this wayside manner?
For most of my teen years and even into my 30's I was drinking a bit but still striving to better myself and understand the law. Striving to get work at various times. There are disabilities and abilities in many of these ordeals but no one likes vain justice.
I am so thankful that this forum exists. I think one of the biggest challenges that we all face is the feeling of isolation as we journey through the many difficulties that the registry generates. Alone we feel powerless against the machine, but together we are a force! I believe that the voice we can create together will bring change. It may not be in our preferred timeframe, but I do believe it will happen.
We are not alone in this. We are all so much more worthy than what the registry depicts us to be and I love that we can encourage and support one another through our journeys.
My husband's conviction was 16 years ago. He served seven years, completed his treatment, and was discharged as a low-risk offender. He has never been on electronic monitoring or house arrest until we made a move to Illinois for medical reasons. He was immediately deemed a sexual predator and placed on lifetime electronic monitoring, he is on lockdown from 6 pm to 6 am seven days a week and is now paying $200 a month for treatment even though he has completed the program twice. The system is so incredibly flawed.
We all face so many challenges and it can be extremely lonely. Please remember that we are not alone in this. We can support and encourage one another and become a very powerful voice. It's that voice that is going to be needed to bring an end to the registry and allow people to live productive lives.
I, too, am glad I'm not alone anymore.
I've been reading posts and I'm outraged at the requirements put on citizens required to register. They are dehumanizing and unconstitutional.
They affect families also. The things I have experienced, as the wife of a level one citizen required to register, while going through the system have been traumatizing and has created a second level of victims. I felt as if I'd been sexually abused after walking out of the so-called assessment I attended with my husband only for one appointment.
Since then, we've been emotionally and psychologically abused by DOC employees and when I complained to my representatives, the head of the division sent five law enforcement jurisdictions to corner my husband like an animal at gunpoint. We were too afraid to do anything more after that. They terrorized and humiliated us every time we had any encounters with them.
The victim stalked me and vandalized my house after lying about what happened. I recently found no-contact order papers I'd prepared to bring to court but for some reason, didn't.
We have gun-toting extremists living next to us and we can't own a weapon to protect ourselves and we've seen trucks with decals that say "Shoot your local pedophile". It's terrifying. The local police chief told me "only offenders like other offenders" and that the decals are protected speech.
My husband was rendered homeless and couldn't find a job after the conviction (a plea deal) for communication with a minor over Facebook and had to live in the woods. We had to hide his camps until law enforcement found him and told him to move. He had no place to go and was told he should be able to find a place. He couldn't and we had to move in order to be together as a family again.
I've had no one to talk to for five years about this until now so I'm venting.
The loneliness has lead to long-term depression and my husband can't get a job where we moved, either. We live on my VA pension.
Our case-worker at Workfirst told someone about my husband's records and broke the law in doing so. No one would do anything about it.
We can't make friends because of the fear of being found out and the sense of worthlessness my husband feels as a result of all of this is heartbreaking. Why don't violent felons have to register?
Everything I do, I have to think about being "found out". I live with this fear day in and day out, year after year. Our lives will never be the same. You tend to "own" the role they give you and I've been working on redefining who I am - who WE are as a result of all of this and having organizations like WAR defending our rights as citizens and HUMANS has given us strength.
I'm infinitely grateful for the work they and other groups are doing on our behalf to restore our basic constitutional and human rights in the face of criminal hypocrisy. The people who are making and "enforcing" these laws are truly the worst of the worst for the most part and are the ones who will ultimately have to answer to God.
Change is happening. More change is coming. Justice will prevail, I know.
Thank you for listening. It's five years' worth of rage, hopelessness, and loneliness that is coming out in my words.
You are not alone. Together we are strong. Now is the time to change how we think about ourselves and our situations and define ourselves first and foremost as human beings who deserve to live in peace and happiness - and without fear.
Thank you for your wise words. I do believe in God, but my faith has faded. I feel like why pray for things if something is going to happen it will happen. My motto is "you gotta go through it to get through it". Be that as it may, it's so hard, not just for me but for my husband and kids. I have not stopped trying and I don't want to. I know what your son and you are going through it is exhausting, and mentally straining. I pray that you two will get through every day. Don't give up and I won't either. Bless you.
How are you doing? I couldn't believe what I was reading in your post. I just want to hug you! Things have to change. They must! This is unfair. I really hope things are getting a little better for you and your family. Please know you can talk to me, because I feel like I need to talk to someone who kinda knows what I am going through. I am here to help to listen. Thank you for venting.
I understand your pain. You definitely are not alone. Tou already know a little about my story as posted in "To Be Or Not To Be, Lifetime Supervision."
Every single day is a struggle, especially having to wear an ankle monitor. I have an attorney working on trying to get the monitor removed, but because of what I've been through already, I have little optimism. You would think it is punishment enough having to register. I already lost two careers as a nurse and firefighter. Careers I loved dearly. I had a friend tell me recently that she was looking at my old Instagram account and commenting on how happy I looked then. I cannot have social media and that account was active before my arrest. I haven't looked at it in nearly 6 years. Even if I could get back on, I don't think I would. It would hurt far too much. I tear up everytime I see a firetruck. I miss fighting fire and running calls. The pain of losing that, along with everything else, is more than I can bear at times. As I've mentioned previously, I still have full contact with my daughters, but not being the kind of father I want to be/should have been kills me. They no longer even have my last name anymore. My ex had their last names changed to avoid any bullying they may receive as they grow older. With such a unique last name, it doesn't take but a quick google search for everything to pop up...
What I wouldn't give to rewind the clock... Thoughts of suicide are a daily occurrence... I just don't get it. I've MORE than paid my debt to society. At what point is enough enough? I remember staff saying as I approached my release date from DOC, " you get a second chance, don't mess it up." But is it really a second chance? For every convicted felon, I would say that is true... Every convicted felon EXCEPT one who committed a sexual offense.
Anyway, here's to praying things change soon.