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Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 2
04/08/2018 8:21 pm  

A friend of mine told me about WAR and suggested I join. My son pled guilty to four counts of possession of child pornography earlier this week, and I am beside myself with grief at the thought of his future, not only in prison, but also his prospects when he is released. He has always been a good, respectful kid and had a very promising future with a new job that he loved and a girlfriend who always put a smile on his face. I will never forget the day he called to tell me he was being investigated. Then the day he was arrested. Then the day the charges were read (seven counts for seven pictures). Then the day his boss let him go for violating their "code of conduct." Then the day his girlfriend left him. No presumption of innocence nor consideration given to any of the details. Whatever happened to "innocent until proven guilty"? His case has gone on since November 2017. Sentencing is October 3rd, and he will receive at least the 3-year minimum mandatory in Wisconsin. I am grateful that at least we have this last eight weeks to get his affairs in order and say our good-byes. I can't believe this is happening. All due to one mistake made by a naive kid. He was not making or distributing porn. There was NO sexual contact with a child. I have always been one to jump in and become involved. I was PTA president when he was little and spent hours working in that capacity. I was also president of our fire department's ladies auxiliary where I often worked directly to raise money, make improvements and enact changes. Now I can see my future working toward changing these strangling registries, not to mention the mandatory minimums (which I can't imagine changing only in my wildest dreams). There is so much we are up against--most specifically the attitudes people get just hearing the word "sex offender." I am grateful to hear from any of you who have words of hope. As far as becoming involved here, SIGN ME UP! Thank you!


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Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 1
08/08/2018 5:18 pm  

Thanks for taking part in this organization. Welcome aboard. I have been on the registry for almost 20 years and I have seen how much we registrants have lost. I had more freedom when I was on probation than now. We need help, we need numbers, most of all we need voices. A registrant can make a difference but when non registrants show an negative impact due to the laws, that gets attention. Thank you for joining. Participate in meetings and events. You are not alone.

Mike


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Admin
Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 7
08/08/2018 6:40 pm  

Thank you for chiming in here. We are always encouraging families to get their story told and learn to advocate. You should come to our conference beginning August 17th here in St. Louis.


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Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 1
10/08/2018 6:31 am  

My husband was convicted as a sex offender and got five years we have been married almost eight years. We have a wonderful little seven year old boy and he adores his daddy now the future I see is not anything bright.  I work two jobs to keep a roof over our heads and my husband begs for my forgiveness even though I don't believe that he got a proper defense through out his whole four years of waiting for the trail to take place.  He had more then six public defenders each with a different idea of how to defend him.  Now all he talks about is when he gets out he wants to go camping and he wont even be allowed to do that. We meet when we were teenagers and that was during a camping trip and now that will be gone forever.  Missouri has some of the most strictest laws in the land regarding sex offenders and i think it is stupid.  I was raped as a child and now I get to live on the other side of this nightmare where we deny the offenders a chance to improve their lives and not fall into temptation again.  I am a strong christian who is studying to be a minster and write my husband a daily devotional everyday and now he leads a Bible study in his prison house at F.R.D.C.  My husband though he believed in God before all this happened wasn't strong in his faith now he is growing in that faith daily yet the laws will not allow him to practice that faith at the church we have attended as a family for years once he is released is that legal?  I am trying to be strong and lean on God but this is the most trying time in my life I am so tempted to walk away from my marriage and start a new life without my husband.  I was punished by his charges and now as a family we are punished again and again he wont ever be able to go see his son's school performances or martial arts testing or go camping and so my son gets punished along with my husband. My husband served with honor as a marine doing three tours in Iraqi and did volunteer with the marine corp league and the masons before the conviction took place. He also worked full time and received a VA check now we are going to lose his VA check which we use to pay our morgage. Can you please give me some advice on what to do from here?

Jaime Woolfolk


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Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 1
17/08/2018 10:31 pm  

My son plead no contest last month to reduced charges of intent to Assault with Intent to Commit Penetration and was sentenced to 10 months in county jail, a life time on the registry, all stemming from interactions with his step sisters between 2005(he was 10), and 2008(he was 13).

He is now 23 years old. He is being housed with murderers on their way to prison and others convicted or accused of very violent crimes.

The allegations from my step daughters came out 2 weeks after I heard from my son's (then) girl friend's mother, that years earlier he had confided in her that he was sexually abused by his other step brother.

When I talked to my husband, he reacted in a homophobic way. I demanded that his son not be left alone with our son, who is now 8. This caused a bit of a family upset. Because we choose not to go through with trial, they were threatening with 2 50 year sentences, the judge never heard anything about the back story.

The step sisters were also assaulted by their Uncle who was a teenager at the time, I am sure he probably assaulted all of my step children, and may be why my step son assaulted my son.

It has torn our family apart. I didn't know any of this went on, I believe some of it, but not all of it. I believe that some was said in act of anger, the girls being 17 and 18 now; in protection of their brother.

My son has a 2 year old and they have another baby boy due in the fall.

The judge, I doubt, read any of the character letters that were wrote.

No Psychological exam was ordered or done. I don't think our lawyer did his best, but I am sure many people feel that way in hindsight.

When he is released they will have to move. I am fairly certain of it. I pray nothing happens to him, he is a good father, a hard working provider and did exude joy and peacefulness of spirit.

I see the people behind him in the visitation videos and the all look like they could eat him alive. Luckily his former employers are supportive of him, so far at least.

Much changes after 10 months. Based on the rulings, he can't be around any of his younger family members unless we file a motion and it's granted.

The terms of his future are as follows: 

  • 01 - No violations of any criminal law
  • 01.1 - Not provide child care for minor (The judge said his own children are excluded although the state website doesn't mention it)
  • 01.2 - No contact with individual age 17 or under (How can he take his sons to school or daycare, no family gatherings? Is it all over for us?)
  • 01.5 - Complete treatment (No treatment was assigned, I emailed our lawyer, no response has been made, I contacted the probation office I have yet to hear back)
  • 01.6 - You must not reside, work, or loiter within 1,000' of school (One of his employers has commercial contracts with school districts; they only work when school is not in session; this will make it difficult to work; what if they have a commercial contract at a mall? There are children there, can he not be there?)
  • 01.7 - You must not go to or be within 500 feet of parks, swimming (No swim classes with his son? No beaches? No swimming in his in-laws family pool?)
  • 01.11 - You must register as required by MichSexOffenderRegistratAct
  • 01.12 - Must not access the internet without Agreement (Nothing has been provided with regards to this)
  • 01.15 - You must waive confidentiality to facilitate SO CMT meetings (We don't even know what a CMT Meeting is??? NO information on this was provided)
  • 02 - Not to leave state without permission
  • 02.0 - Not to use/possess alcohol or intoxicants (not a drug or alcohol related crime)
  • 02.1 - Alcohol testing
  • 02.2 - Drug testing
  • 02.4 - Not use or have any controlled substances or drug items
  • 02.8 - Outpatient Substance Abuse Treatment (this isn't a drug conviction, he has a medical marijuana card though)
  • 02.9 - Substance abuse assessment
  • 03 - Monthly reporting
  • 03.5 - Disclose information
  • 04 - Notify of change of residence
  • 04.5 - No contact or be 500' away from their residence (the victims live 2 houses from a main street; who tells him if they ever move? Can he never be on that road?)
  • 04.18 - Behavior 
  • 04.19 - Association
  • 04.20 - Not own or possess weapons
  • 04.21 - Contact field agent
  • 04.22 - Comply with field agent
  • 04.24 - Authorize a search if Field Agent has cause

We are from Michigan, can he vacation anywhere? Ever?

All of his joys have been stripped, sadly we can't even begin to understand the impact of all of this.

The nightmare is real, and will get worse; Michigan is passing a law that will allow prosecution of the law up to 30 years later. I feel like this is the next Salem Witch hunt. 

I am beyond frustrated with the legal system, that only wants successful prosecutions. We tried to get it pushed back to family court due to his age, and they threatened to file more charges if we did that. 

I have  not told many people for fear that they will turn their backs on us. It's a sad position to be in.

Who can I talk to, where can I turn? I am all cried out, and anxious day and night for his future, especially immediate.

Heart broken.

This post was modified 1 year ago 3 times by admin

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Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 5
28/08/2018 9:33 pm  

TryingTimes4amom,

Things are going to get hard after he gets out of jail. Are these probation guidelines? The list you gave looks like my husbands list while he was on a 5 year probationary period. If this is all a part of the MichSexOffenderRegistratAct, all I got to say is ouch. I would have not been able to stay with my husband if I knew I had to follow all the restrictions with him for more than 5 years. I follwed his restrictions when I was with him, until I went to my moms.

I'm in PA, so I really don't know the laws in your state.  After he got off of probation, all restrictions were removed except having to register on Megans law. In PA the only housing restrictions is when you are on probation. We went into forclosure because we had to move within a month because of the probation restrictions.

The judge said his own children are excluded. He will need to watch out for children and youth services. One minor misstep, and they will be glad to take away his kids. Mine were removed from us. They were older teenagers, and my mom was able to take them in thankfully. While he was prohibited from seeing them while on probation, because he was not able to be around children under 18. Since I went to my mom's frequently, I was able to see them.

No internet access means no internet access. Someone else can not go online for him to fill out any forms, or apply for jobs. They did allow my husband to go to the states carrer center to use their computers to look for a job. We were not allowed to have any device in the house that could get on line. That meant no gaming consols, computers, new cell phones - we had extremely old flip phones, blue ray players, etc. Due to our money situation, we had rabbit ear attena and bought movies here and there. We had a simple dvd player.

Complete treatment for my husband meant he had to go to sex offender councling every week for the duration of his probation. He was lucky and found a counsler that charged only $40 a session, or $160 a month. That is on the cheap side. He had to take a polygraph at least once a year unless his counsler and/or PO wanted him to take another one for what ever reason. My husband paid $350 per session, and I heard the norm is $500.

I'm thinking he might have to get permission to use his medical marijuana card. Not sure. Inquire about that. He will not be able to be on that road. Someone who knows the victim and him will have to tell him if the vic is moving. He will probably have officers check in on him every once in awhile to make sure he lives where he says he does. My husband had his PO check in on him. Technically in PA the PO was the only one who was allowed by law to enter and search our place without a warrent.

I can understand the fear of people turning their back on you because of your son, especially if you still associate with him. I didn't handle things well at all, and let it slip at my workplace. People said things behind my back. One lady argued with me, until I went up and apologized to her for the arguement eventhough she started it. The next day we had a long discussion, and she became a close friend until she moved away. To this day eventhough we haven't talked in a year or more, we can call each other up and act like we were old friends without time passing.

The area we moved into after being forced to leave our home. We had seven tires slashed in six months. One of the neighbors tried to physicall fight my husband, but our apartment door held until the cops arrived. Another neighbor tried to confront us in walmart. Things simmered down after the 5 years there. We will move when we get the money.

I can feel your frustration, rage, anger anexiety, and fear. There seems like there is little hope, but there is always hope. You will get through this. Take things one step at a time and one day at a time.

When your son gets out, it is up to him to stay out. All you can do is support him the best you can, pray if you believe there is a God, and try to encourage him.

This is the first time I ever came out with a part of my story. I know my story can seem bleak. Just know there is always hope. Eventhough you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, it is there. It may seem like a million miles away. Never give up, and never stop believing things can get better when all around you it seems like things are just getting worse. Believe, Hope, Pray/Have Faith.

 

 

 


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Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 1
31/08/2018 8:31 pm  

3 years for 7 pictures? This is truly outrageous. The punishment certainly does not fit the crime Angel99. It is so sad that this is considered justice for low level sex offenders. I guess they need to keep the prisons full to maximize revenue/jobs.  No other reason to impose such a harsh sentence that I can think of. 


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Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 2
05/09/2018 9:06 pm  

Do have a heart for this. 

I have served 20 years so far for a life sentence of punishment by sex offender registry. I have manged so far. 

There are social services for the victims of the justice system. 

It is important to understand our elected leaders, want to help people. 

and they run a system that creates a great deal of people who need help. 

Those of you who have children in the mix, have a great leverage tool to get help not only from social services.  And not only from the local government, but representatives and senators (state and federal)  run whole staffed organizations who's job it is to make the elected officials  look like hero's, and Help the people. 

The whole game of the sex offender laws, is to protect the children. You can leverage that to get government forbearance and help. IF the VA wants takes benefits from your 3 YO, because of your husbands stupidity.  Put them on the spot for making babies and their mothers homeless, Speak the truth in a way that protects you and your family, and gets you and yours the help that these agencies and programs were intended to give.  Listen very carefully to the people in this agencies, be a kind person. Be smart, most of these people are just regular people trying to serve and help.  Look for the hidden rules. Remember the golden rule, if you were in a Social workers position, what would you think. 

Its a big political game, and unfortunately your sucked in it. You can learn to win it, and your lives will depend on how well you play the game. 

Also, the biggest secret, it to learn the government lingo. What are the words they use, they use the vocabulary of that agency. It will take time and research, but its the only way to help and protect you, your family, and the accused. 


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Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 2
05/09/2018 9:06 pm  

Do have a heart for this. 

I have served 20 years so far for a life sentence of punishment by sex offender registry. I have manged so far. 

There are social services for the victims of the justice system. 

It is important to understand our elected leaders, want to help people. 

Our leaders run a system that creates a great deal of people who need help. 

Those of you who have children in the mix, have a great leverage tool to get help not only from social services.  And not only from the local government, but representatives and senators (state and federal)  run whole staffed organizations who's job it is to make the elected officials  look like heroes, and help the people with the evil bureaucrats. 

The whole game of the sex offender laws, is to protect the children. You can leverage that to get government forbearance and help. IF the VA wants takes benefits from your 3 YO, because of your husbands stupidity.  Put them on the spot for making babies and their mothers homeless, Speak the truth in a way that protects you and your family, and gets you and yours the help that these agencies and programs were intended to give.  Listen very carefully to the people in this agencies, be a kind person. Be smart, most of these people are just regular people trying to serve and help.  Look for the hidden rules. Remember the golden rule, if you were in a Social workers position, what would you think. 

Its a big political game, and unfortunately your sucked in it. You can learn to win it, and your lives will depend on how well you play the game. 

Also, the biggest secret, it to learn the government lingo. What are the words they use, they use the vocabulary of that agency. It will take time and research, but its the only way to help and protect you, your family, and the accused. 

This post was modified 1 year ago by rstoddart

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Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 1
09/09/2018 5:50 pm  

Angel99,

We have just gone through the plea/sentencing for our son as well in WI. It's been nothing short of a living nightmare!


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Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 5
10/09/2018 5:40 pm  

Hello, First, Thank you for your letter. You have given me information that i did not even know about.  My nephew is in the same boat.  I think this forum is VERY HELPFUL. This life on the registry is vengeful and horrible.  Be strong!! Keep learning the laws. I think a SUPPORT SYSTEM IS SO IMPORTANT.  and I am so grateful for Vicki Henry's organization.   Sexual misconduct as a kid does NOT make a dangerous criminal. it's a mistake that should be treated with education and probation but not a life sentence. 

BE STRONG.  YOUR LETTER WANTS ME TO BECOME MORE EDUCATED NOW. thank you!!!

VioletShamrock in Vegas


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Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 5
10/09/2018 6:10 pm  

Dear Trying Times 4A mom

These stories are what gives me hope.   I am so frustrated and angry and want to blame the schools and the corrupt legal system.      Seriously, WHY DO THEY NOT Warn kids in school to NOT do anything stupid or you will pay for it the rest of your LIFE. Of course parents should teach this but WHO THINKS their kid would ever do such a thing?  Having stupid curiosity (looking up child pornographic images) is bad.  But having done it once should not ruin a persons life forever.   Become active in learning the laws.  I'm just beginning to learn as my nephew is now on the registry for one dumb night with a girl he met on Facebook.  Facebook ruined his life.   BE STRONG AND FIND A SUPPORT SYSTEM.  Remember, you are not the bad guy and neither is your son.  One day at a time. 

This post was modified 1 year ago 2 times by admin

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Joined: 12 months ago
Posts: 1
29/09/2018 3:48 pm  

I'm new here but wanted to just chime in.

I have been registered now since 2001.  I live in a state where laws have only just recently gone into effect that institute the Tiered system which sorts offenders by supposed seriousness of offense.  I will openly admit that there are those who should be monitored for life for truly horrific crimes but that is not the case for so many of us.  Anyone can change, anyone can make a terrible, selfish mistake.  I for one have made a mostly normal life for myself.  I am married and have 4 great kids that deserve to have a father who can fully participate in their lives.  Now, I have that chance.  With the new statues in my state I can, as a Tier 1 offender, petition the courts to be removed from the public registry.  However, try asking anyone involved what I am actually supposed to do, or who to speak with.. The various precincts in the area I live can't even seem to agree how to Tier people correctly because of the vague wording of the statute (my own Tier has gone from 1 to 2 and back to 1 as the State Highway Patrol finally made a final determination on my status).  They certainly aren't going out of their way to provide actual information for those of us who qualify for removal.  I just want to know what I'm supposed to do so I can get on with my life and be the father my kids deserve.  I admitted my crime, served my punishment, and I am ready to be truly free to live again.


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 Vicki Henry
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Joined: 12 months ago
Posts: 2
29/09/2018 3:58 pm  

What state are you in...I am thinking Missouri. 


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 Angel99
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Joined: 12 months ago
Posts: 1
01/10/2018 2:25 am  

Thanks for the reply!  They may want to keep the prisons full, but they let some out early to ease the strain.  My son has to serve the mandatory 3 years.  And that's if he only gets 3 years.  His sentencing is this Wednesday (October 3rd).  He has been living with me while waiting.  Without a job, he has nowhere to go.  We have always been close, and I am grateful to have him here the last 2 months.  But I am beside myself with worry about his future.


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