To be or not to be? Lifetime Supervision

In 2016, I was arrested and eventually charged with 1st Degree Attempted Rape. To make a long story short, I was communicating with a female on social media who later told me she was 15 years old. I stupidly chose to continue talking to her and exchanging sexually explicit messages. Her parents found her phone and turned it over to detectives who then began to pose as the victim and continue communications with me. They set up a sting operation and asked me to meet at an apartment. Assuming it was the victim, I showed up and was arrested.
I was a nurse and a firefighter and it became a big news story. Despite promises from my attorney at the time and supposedly the prosecutor, I was slammed with a 14 year sentence after pleading guilty. My attorney at the time, told me that I would most likely get the minimum sentence of 5 years. I was in shock when the judge handed down the 14 year sentence. During sentencing, I answered questions exactly like my attorney told me to. Little did I know that it would come back to hurt me when filing an appeal/post conviction relief.
While I admit to what I did and take responsibility, I feel like my punishment was beyond excessive. Not only was I given a 14 year sentence, but I found out later that the “lifetime supervision” meant a GPS ankle monitoring device for the rest of my life.
I was originally told I had to complete 85% of my sentence as it was a “violent offense.” During my post conviction relief, the 85% was dropped as it was noted that there was no violence or physical contact with the victim. That was basically the only thing that came of my appeal as it was denied.
I was released from Missouri D.O.C. December 2020. I have a GPS ankle monitor strapped to me. This bulky monitor is making my life extremely difficult. Because of where I live, it beeps very loudly several times throughout each day. I cannot wear shorts, go swimming, take a bath, etc. I live with extreme anxiety wondering when and where it will go off next. It’s even gone off while in a bank. I usually charge the device on my lunch break while sitting in my car. I have been extremely busy lately however, and have literally plugged into an outlet inside while trying to work. Of course, I have to limit the work to an area that my cord will reach. I can live with having to register as a sex offender for the rest of my life and all the things I’ll never get to do again, but this ankle monitor is excessive. I am not a threat to society or a repeat offender. 5 years in DOC and I never once got a violation. I have done everything asked of me from the moment I was arrested.
This GPS monitor is greatly affecting my life. I see mental health for severe depression and have called the crisis line twice because I can’t deal with this monitor. I’m at the point now of just giving up if I can’t get this thing removed. I can’t live life this way. To be or not to be is a daily struggle. To be, I’m miserable. Not to be, I hurt the people who love me including my children.
I’ve emailed several law firms to see if anything can be done about this lifetime supervision. Unfortunately, none have responded to my pleas for help.
If I had been convicted on any offense other than a sex offense, I’d have a real second chance at life. Unfortunately society views sex offenders as people who are never truly rehabilitated.
I’m drowning here and I don’t know how much more I can take.

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The opinions expressed within posts and comments are solely those of each author, and are not necessarily those of Women Against Registry.

2 thoughts on “To be or not to be? Lifetime Supervision

  1. Hello there. I am also on GPS monitoring. My attorney got it down to 6 months as it was supposed to be 2 years. I am a mother and a wife. We are very well known and liked by our friends. I hate this black box. You would think that with the tech we have it would be more discrete but it is the embarrassing part. I hate how they treat you in the probation office it makes me sick. I have only had the monitor on for about two weeks and I am so nervous like I will forget it or it will die. I have a pool and I cannot swim with my kids. I feel like you feel. I am scared. I am paranoid and depressed but at the same time, I have to be a mother and a wife and act like I’m not going insane. I find myself just spacing out most of the time. This is the only place that I can get comfort. I don’t know what to say because nothing makes it better. I hope that knowing I’m going through it makes it a bit better. even though you have no clue who I am.

  2. Coley8518,

    Thank you for your response. I have also wondered why they can’t do more discreet monitoring. As I have mentioned to my PO, it’s not the tracking me that I care about. It’s the fact that this bulky monitor is incredibly embarrassing and limits (even more than what I’m already limited to as a SO) what I can do. No swimming, no running (as it slams down on the ankle while running), no soaking in a bath, etc. I am past the point of depression. Not a day goes by I don’t contemplate suicide. However, I too have children and I don’t want to hurt them. They live with their mother but we still talk daily and I’m still allowed to see them. So as I mentioned, I’m stuck. Either I give up and I find peace, but hurt those who are in my life or I continue to live and be miserable.
    There has to be someone out there that can help. The judge didn’t just throw the book at me, he threw the entire library at me. A lifetime of wearing a GPS monitor? I just can’t do it. I’m drowning.

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