Lifetime for an hour

2021, A relationship with a seemingly happy, bubbly, wonderful woman who is twenty six. That has been about six months ongoing. We were incredibly happy together, living in Hawaii chasing sunsets and rainbows. Despite the insecurities and vocal lack of commitment, we lived together, slept together and did everything in sync. We made a short video just to spice things up and try it out of us having sex and eventually it layed forgotten long after we had our fun with it.
Forward to a year later, She begins to reach out and make friends on the island( she is new to living here) including another man that she begins to spend more time with. Making trips out of her way to visit, admitting to using ecstacy while on a camping trip with several friends including him, to which they end up kissing and giving massages to each other. I forgave this and asked to her please stop seeing this person and communicating for the sake of our relationship. For awhile that happens but she grew cold to me, canceling our plans in favor of being with him, ignoring calls and texts and just not coming home until early in the morning. Being caught up in a lie when confronted she admitted to cheating which devastated me.

Full of anger, spite and unchecked emotion from hearing this I did the unthinkable, using that sex video we made long ago I used it as a weapon, sending it to him via Facebook messenger, then uploading to a popular pornography website and created a fake tinder using her sensitive photos. For an hour all of this existed for the world to see, I came to my senses and shut it all down, deleted the messages, took down the video and deactivated the fake account. Shame and utter loss of all empathy swept through my entire being and I SHUT DOWN, spiraling into complete depression. Six months later police came to my door with a $50,000 arrest warrant and took me in. Seven months in the community jail and a lifetime of being on the sex offense registry for these actions. Given four years of strict probation with mandatory drug and alcohol screening, a sex offender treatment program and constant polygraph exams are now my new normal which I’m required to pay for in the label and form of “restitution”.

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